Catch up summary!

Since my last blog, in a nutshell- got married, got pregnant, got fired (how dare I get pregnant!), had a baby, got a new job.

So I had a beautiful baby girl and I've never been so much in love. She's 2 1/2 months old now and I've been thru the wringer of "mom guilt" already.

The master plan was for me to be the stay at home mom while my husband worked. This was the first guilt trip. I felt terrible that I wasn't contributing in a monetary fashion. My husband told me that me staying home and keeping the house up while raising the baby was the most important job, don't stress, etc.. etc..
Well, then I get a job interview (that I don't even want) and lo and behold the roles are reversed.

I've been working and my husband is at home. NOW I feel guilty that I had to quit breastfeeding and go to work. I find myself whispering to my little girl "I'm your mommy.." so she doesn't forget. I can still see her little face looking up at me the last time I breastfed her and it broke my heart knowing it would be the last time. It's hard being a mommy. It's not fair that we feel guilt for staying home and guilt for going to work! There is no right thing to do is there?

I'm working about an hour away from work and that leaves me about 4 waking hours to be mommy. It's easier now but the first few weeks were killer. I felt like a horrible person, leaving my baby at home to be raised by **gasp** her father!? What will he teach her? Will her first words be DaDa? Will I come home to have her walking already? I feel like I'm going to miss out on everything and I'm so jealous that for now, my husband is getting to be there for it all while I work on budgets and POA's.

It's also difficult coming home to a messy house and not blowing up at my husband. The last thing I want to do when I get home is clean but I guess that doing some laundry and picking up the house is better than yelling at my husband and making him want to divorce me. It doesn't help the situation that I'm still hurting in the nether regions and our sex life has dwindled down to nothing lately. GUILT.... I don't know what to do? I'm tired and I don't feel very sexy... It made it even worse when the local morning radio show was talking about how even when everything else in the relationship is good a man will cheat if the sex isn't there.. Well guess what? The sex isn't there and lately everything else could use a little tuneup as well...